Collission zone..


Life is so complex that past and present collide making the future blurry, filled with uncertainty. He was bullied as a kid, even as a grown up, for reasons unknown, maybe he is too gentle for his own good. He does not retaliate, he would have been happy hiding behind me, willing for me to fight his battles. He would have been happy with that, content not following a dream, his dreams would be anchored on mine. I left and it shattered everything, it took him a while to recover, to find his bearings, and realized that he has a life to live. I wondered was he too sheltered, we all were, but behind those closeted existence are darkness of infidelity causing pain a deep wrenching of the heart building distrust and agony. I questioned the reason for that, how can rules be laid down and be disregarded, irreverently neglected to follow a darker life. There is always a cause and effect, I used to say, “read, you will find your answers only through discovery.” Now, I say, “have you talked to Lordy about it?”

On the one hand, he didn’t get as much discipline as the others, he was the baby, the last born. Life was a little better, as a child he would give in tantrums, to fit of anger. I sensed a tendency to hardhandedness. Unlike his gentle brother, he is more head on, less patient. His uncaring ways led to misguided existence — married or were they? because of a child, a relationship borne out of necessity, presumably to correct a wrong. Such an overlap didn’t change anything but rather put them in a quicksand of misery. Frustrated attempts to change put them in deeper pain, something that I don’t have a solution for, but to tell Lordy about it. I reckon maybe you need to pray more, it was never meant to be your battle alone. Lordy is with you just listen to what He is saying.

Whoa, life is indeed so complex. Sometimes I’m not sure why they tell me all this, validation? approval? or they want me to tell Lordy for them, like am the right agent or not :). She left her husbad and children to go to a foreign land for a better future for her children. So that they won’t have the kind of life that she had. With nothing but her bravura, she embarked and halfway succeeded. But she fell in love with someone that she shouldn’t and had to marry another, keeping her lover on the side. She thinks she is handling it all pretty cool, what is happiness anyway, she countered. I dared say to her that at this point it is exciting but once the novelty is gone, she should be ready to deal with the guilt, the repercussions of emotional entanglement, the questioning look of her innocent children.

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